The ironies in life never cease to amaze me.  I sent Ben to school today wearing his brand new top-of-the-line Bone Anchored Hearing Aids (BAHA’s) which are worth about $14,000 and I don’t even have the FM system or the receivers yet.  What he didn’t get to bring to school today was his fidget spinner of which I spent $10 because I was afraid he might lose it.  (Technically – it only cost me $5 because it was on sale 2 for 1, but that’s neither here nor there).  Am I worried about him being mugged with all his equipment or something….ummmm…no…not really.  Who wants a set of fully customized hearing aids?  I think if I just avoid senior homes, he should be safe.  Now fidget spinners…people WANT those!!!

Ben got his first set of hearing aids at five months old.  I feel like I have spent more of his life searching for hearing aids than I have spent time feeding him – no, that’s not why he is so skinny – I feed him regularly.  I used to find them in the vents, behind the car seats, under his crib, in the yard, and (once) stuffed into the central vacuum hole in the wall.  It used to drive me crazy.  Having hearing aids at 5 months old is a HUGE pain in the butt!  I mean it’s good for actually hearing and developing language and stuff, but holding a baby with hearing aids is like talking into a microphone that’s set up on top of a huge speaker system at a crappy Bingo Hall….you are going to constantly get feedback.  Ben, of course, was a “more challenging case” because his neck was crooked (and weak) so his ear was directly facing his shoulder all the time.  No matter how carefully I held him, he emitted a constant, steady tone that made me (and everyone else) question whether the CBC was broadcasting an emergency signal or if I had developed an permanent case of Tinnitus.   I am told that this didn’t bother Benjamin in the least because he couldn’t even process that frequency of tone, but it could be a bit bothersome to others.  Ya think???  So, now that he’s older, we have definitely brushed those problems aside (mostly).  No more losing hearing aids (I hope), or minds!  What could possibly be a problem?

Conversation from last week:

Me:  (sitting five feet away from Ben in the car)…Ben…..Ben….Ben…HEY BEN!!!

Ben:  What…I couldn’t hear you.

Me:  What’s the matter? Can’t you hear with your new hearing aids?  Are they not working?

Ben:  I muted you.

Me:  You what?  What!??!?!!

Ben:  I muted you, so I couldn’t hear you any more.

Me:  Wha…how do you do that?  Why???

Ben:  I just push the button in for three seconds and it stops the noise.  You were yelling at Hannah and I didn’t want to listen anymore.  It hurt my ears.

Me:  What!?!??  How do you know this stuff?  And I wasn’t YELLING at Hannah – I was merely pointing out that this was the first day in FOREVER that we got out of the school before 3:00 and now we have to drive all the way back because she forgot her backpack, which seems PRETTY IRRESPONSIBLE TO ME!

Ben:

Me:  Ben….Ben…..Ben…..BEN…..sigh….

So, if you’re wondering what $14,000 worth of hearing aids buys you…it is a headband that makes you look like a cross between Rambo and a flower girl, a cell phone to hang around your neck, two little vibrating pieces…and the power to MUTE YOUR MOTHER ANY TIME YOU WANT...priceless (to some apparently)!

Sigh….