I mean…we attended a ball! I know…we don’t really seem like the ball type, but yeah…that’s totally what we did! We were invited by our favourite Shriner friend – Calum Peace – who was the one who totally got the ball rolling for us (see what I did there). I initally met Calum through his store Addetto Men’s Wear buying shirts for Jesse (big and tall store – and no he didn’t ask me to advertise for him – I just like the store). When I first learned that Shriners helped kiddos with bone issues (muskuloskeletal) and burns, I reached out to him. He has been a great source of help for us in navigating our journey. Anyways, we have both learned a lot from each other through our relationship. He is incredibly committed to helping children. He has worked himself through the illustrious ranks and was JUST appointed as the Head Potentate of our local Al Shamal Shriners (aka the Grand Puba, the Big Cahuna, Boss Man, El Capitaine, the Dominator – my words). Anyways it was such an honour to be invited and get an inside view of what goes on at Shriner’s events. I would love to tell you more, but…duh, duh, DUH…(I think you know)! Congratulations Calum – we are so lucky to have you and the Shriners in our lives!!!
Ben was appointed as the 2020 Al Shamal Shriner’s Child Ambassador…how exciting is that! We hope that Ben recovers quickly from his surgery, so we have the opportunity to participate in a tonne of events with them this year!
So…let me tell you about the day of the ball…
Ben: I don’t want to dance tonight. Me: you don’t have to dance if you don’t want to. …later….Ben: “I don’t think I’m gonna dance tonight”…Me: Ummm…ok…nobody’s asking you. (repeat 30 times)
Fast forward to the ball – Carol – Calum’s wife comes up to our table: “you guys want to dance?” Ben shakes his head; Jesse looks far away like he’s solving the most complicated math problem in the world; Hannah looks at me and says “I will if mom goes”. Uggghhhh (I glare at Jesse who’s still looking far off) and we go on to the dance floor.
I used my ‘I’m too sober to dance properly step’, which is a combination of side to side weight shifting with small hamster holding cheese arm-like movements…not super enthusiastic, but not sitting in a chair working on a math problem. I change up my hamster arms every 4th weight shift and occasionally throw in a clap for fun. Hannah is grooving to her own beat beside me – doing a much better job than me – apparently all those dance classes were worth our money. We are looking at each other, then we notice everyone around us looking towards the middle of the floor. We notice some people pulling out cameras to take pictures.
We look over and see Ben – where the heck did he come from – standing in the middle of the floor pulsing his hips from side to side like a demon-possessed metronome – lifting one leg at a time and what appears to be breaking a pretend broomstick over each knee over and over again. Hannah and I stare at each other with a ‘what the heck’ look on our faces. He continues this crazed gyrating for the remainder of the song – flossing like he’s never flossed before. I assume he will stop at the end of the song, but he merely pulls out a library of moves he’s borrowed from where..I don’t know? He begins with the ‘sprinkler’ at which point Carol shows him the ‘shopping cart’, so he gives that a try. He moves into the DJ (one hand on his ear holding a pretend headphone with the other skipping a record back and forth). I see him bend down halfway then stand back up quickly – pulling an imaginary string over and over again – obviously the lawnmower. Finally I notice him doing a different move. I watch him seem to pull something from his hand and throw his arm like he’s throwing a baseball into the crowd then covering his head. Although I’ve never seen this particular move before, I instinctively know what it is. With the intrinsic knowledge of a woman who’s painfully stepped on hundreds of hidden troops of army men scattered all over my house, I know. Seriously! He’s doing the GRENADE! I look around hoping others haven’t noticed. I give Jesse the international Ikea – START THE CAR sign! We say our goodbyes, and quickly head out. The question remains: what was in his Shirley Temple?
On the way home: “Hey Ben – ummmm… I thought you said you didn’t want to dance tonight?” Ben: yeah – I guess I changed my mind.