I’ve spent money on a lot of stupid things over the years, but by far, the stupidest money I have ever spent was on a doorbell for our new dog. “Communication is important” I said. I worried that he was too clumsy to scratch on the door to go out. Whenever I lifted his paws to wipe them, he fell over. I thought he needed a simpler, clearer way to communicate with us, so I bought him a doorbell…no wait…I bought him two doorbells …he obviously needed to get back inside! At that point, someone should have questioned me on it, but they didn’t!!!

Here’s how it went:

Week one….”Charlie – touch the doorbell and I’ll give you a treat!(Pushing nose to doorbell): “GOOD DOG LET’S GO OUTSIDE! (x 30 more times). (I thought it was going well!)

Week two…”Want to go outside? C’mon boy! Touch the doorbell Charlie! Good BOY! Here’s a treat!” (I think he might be getting it!)

Week three…

Ding Dong: “Oh Charlie – look at you! Good boy! Let’s go outside!!! Two seconds later: Ding Dong: “Oh you want in already – you just went outside…ok….come back in! Ding Dong: “Oh…you want to go outside again…ok. I’ll get my shoes on so you go potty”. Ding Dong….”ok…I’m coming Charlie…I’m just looking for my shoes….Ding Dong: “CHARLIE – give me a second” Ding Dong: “where’s the damned leash”….”ok…let’s go”. (5 minutes later) Ding Dong: “good potty – ok – stay in the laundry room until your feet dry”.

While trying to prepare supper: Ding Dong: “Charlie, you’ve been in there Like 30 seconds – your feet are not dry yet”. (1 second later) Ding Dong: “Charlie – cut it out – I’m busy – just wait a second!” Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong!!! “I’m ignoring that!!!” Ding Dong, Ding Dong! “Fine – get in here – I’ll wash the floors later”.

2 minutes later: Ding Dong: “Charlie – you just went outside! And so it goes on….File this one under “What the hell was I thinking!!!”