So here we are at our 39th day in the hospital. That means if this were Survivor we’d have a one in three chance of winning a million dollars. Now as I stand before Tribal council (or Ben’s growing collection of bears, stuffies, and Courage) I look within and ask myself …did I outwit, outlast, and outplay my competitors?
Outwit – Hmmmmm….outwit is a bit of a stretch – sometimes answering a simple question here feels like swimming through oatmeal – but I don’t see any other parents discussing Nietzsche’s thoughts on existentialism either, so I’m going to call that one a tie.
Outlast – yeah…I think so. We have seen at least a hundred people come and go (probably more) in our time here) We are the longest lasting competitor in that category (and we’ve got more to go), so – yay us!, so I call it a win!
Outplay – oh yeah! If swinging by the screws on your head counts as playing – we got this! Benjamin has become so insanely acrobaticky (I threw the k on so you wouldn’t read acrobatisy – and yes – it’s a word) with the Frankenhelmut that we are actually making some of the lighter-weight staff nauseous too. I might attach a video here – I haven’t decided yet…it’s so CREEPY! ***k….I’m not going to – I sent it to some people as a test and they say it’s disturbing, nauseating, and creep, so I’d better abstain. *** Last week we had to go downstairs during clinic hours to talk to our doctor, so I pushed Ben in his walker through the waiting room area as he Cirque du Soleiled past the masses. The expression on the people’s faces as we went past….horror! (I’m not gonna lie – since I’ve been in charge of the screw cleaning, I’m kind of desensitized to the whole Frankenhelmut thing…who knew? I actually feel like I might understand the Holocaust a little better after this whole experience).
Anyways, in my own mind ….we win the imaginary million dollars…yay us (again)!!!
So, Benjamin and I have been planning and pretending what we would spend our million dollars on. This is our list.
First, I am a practical person by nature, so are definitely going to invest some of this money for the future. A penny saved….and all that.
Donations – It would be thrilling to donate some of this money back to our superheroes, the Shriners!
Now ….what will do with the rest!
Super fancy Hawaii vacation (Aulani) for one month or more…(I want a manservant and umbrella drinks for breakfast every day, and Ben wants to drink chocolate milk every morning and have a pineapple and coconut tree growing right out our window that my manservant has to climb to make him fresh fruit smoothies.
Fancy new car for mom disguised as an old car on the outside so it won’t get stolen – featuring disguised technology, seat warmers, car starter, and a roof that opens.
a Halo – don’t even get me started on this one – yes – I argued – Ben’s parting comments to his nurse tonight “I love my halo”. Even the nurses say they’ve never seen a patient so comfortable with their halo before.
A Wine Fountain – it’s kind of like a chocolate fountain, but it’s booze. As an added bonus, your wine is always aerated.
Hot Wheels tracks – Ben would like to build a hot wheels track that goes from our chimney – around our house a few times, through a hole in the wall to the tv room in the basement.
Super Amazing Robot – one that does homework, laundry, and cooking
A personal chef from Thailand for three months. Spice me up baby!
Random strangers – I would like to hire random strangers to chase me and pretend they are zombies when I run. Well let’s not be silly – some will look like zombies, others will look like gangsters, and I think I might hire one that looks like Trump. I’m not gonna lie – I need some motivation – just running alone doesn’t really do it for me…I need fear! I believe this will up my fitness game significantly. If it works as well as I think it will in my head, it could be my new business model.
Movie passes and popcorn – we want to see and eat everything!
Another vacation – I can’t believe how quickly our Hawaiian vacation went – let’s go to Disneyland! (after our bones heal). Let’s bring the manservant with us!
A horse plus boarding, food, and a really cute horse sweater. This is for Hannah – she is “the sibling” who has been somewhat ignored (by me) in the past 39 days (actually 42 since we arrived in Montreal), so Ben and I feel she deserves something pretty big. She is also the one who will not have her parents around for her birthday, which is a pretty big deal when you are turning 9, so we are going to buy her a horse with our winnings.
100 puppies – Ben’s idea
A boarding kennel with more manservants to clean up the poop – my idea
And that’s it. Medically – Ben is an incredibly stable, uncomplicated halo tractionee. The doctors and nurses continue to rave at how well he’s doing. They don’t necessarily see all the behaviours I see. We have noticed that he is having more and more difficulty hearing. I’m thinking it might be wax buildup but it could just be because his hearing is getting worse. We are consulting with a pediatrician on Monday, just to be careful. We don’t want to have to deal with an infection or anything weird after his surgery.
As we watch all of our long-timers sneaking away from us, there is no question that we outlasted most of them. We definitely outplay everyone here – no question about that. Besides the Hot Wheels, video games, and fake bowling, Ben’s constant dangling and monkey like movements would definitely throw us in the front of the pack for playing. Out